Black Star VS Jacob Black

Black*Star VS Jacob Black

*Note: Another one, huh? I'm just on a freaking roll here, ain't I? I just have to do this, because Black*Star is just too epically awesome to not have his own fic. I'm also working on a Death the Kid VS Edward Cullen and a Maka Albarn VS Bella Swan fic. And, by request, I'm also doing a fic involving a May-Sue character that I am in the process of designing VS a normal character who is…well, not a Mary-Sue. If anyone has a suggestion for that one, or even wants to design a character for me to use, let me know in the comments or send me a note. But, for now, onto the fic. No one helping me this time, just me and Nik again.*

Kindrix: Hello again, readers! I'm back with another one of these things! How many is that, now?

Nik: This would be the eighth.

Kindrix: Wow…

Nik: I didn't think these things would be that popular, actually.

Kindrix: Neither did I. But, anyway, today, our first guest is Jacob Black!

Jacob: Hey!

Kindrix: And Black*Star should be here in about 3…2…1…

Black*Star: How did you know I was coming? You must have awesome ninja skills.

Nik: Black*Star, we saw you trip over there.

Kindrix: But hopefully I'll get my awesome ninja skills for Christmas because I put them on my list.

Black*Star: Santa can bring you ninja skills?!

Jacob: Dude, I want ninja skills. I'm stuck with transforming-into-a-wolf skills.

Nik: Those are pretty cool skills, too!

Kindrix: So anyway, Black*Star, Tsubaki said that she convinced you to read the Twilight series. What did you think of it?

Black*Star: *shudders* Possibly the worst series I've ever read. There was no action, no blood, no one important died, it was way too fluffy and filled to the brim with Mary-Sues. Plus, Edward is a creeper!

Kindrix: Amen. Jacob, did you ever watch Soul Eater?

Jacob: Yeah, and it was pretty epic.

Kindrix: How so?

Jacob: It has blood, action, gore, hot half-naked chicks in hot springs, what else could a dude want in a TV show?

Black*Star: TNT and dynamite?

Jacob: Hot fully naked chicks?

Black*Star: Hellz yeah!

Kindrix: *clears throat*

Black*Star & Jacob: We'll be quiet now.

Kindrix: Good. Now, Jacob, why don't you tell us why you're the better character?

Jacob: Well, I'm not a klutz…

Black*Star: I'm not a klutz! I'm the greatest assassin ever! I will surpass God!

Random Cullenist in the Audience: You will never surpass Edward!

Black*Star: I meant the real God, not the sparkly pixie with the ego the size of Shibusen!

Kindrix & Nik: Pfft…

Jacob: Well, I'm not a shorty.

Black*Star: I'm not a freak.

Jacob: I have muscles and a girl.

Black*Star: So do I, and I'm not a pedophile!

Jacob: Why do people always say that? Look, the way it works is, when Renesmee gets old enough, we'll be together because she has the greatest ability to reproduce with me, it's that simple.

Kindrix: What I don't get is, if Renesmee has an extra chromosomal pair, how would she be able to reproduce, let alone have the best chances of reproducing?

Jacob & Black*Star: Whaddaya mean, Kindrix?

Kindrix: Well, Jacob, this may be offensive, but frankly I don't give a damn. The way I think of it, Renesmee is like a mule. A mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey, like Renesmee is a cross between a vampire and a human. While living beings with different amounts of chromosomes can procreate, the offspring will not be able to reproduce. When the parents have different amounts of chromosomes, the offspring ends up with an odd number of chromosomes, making them infertile.

Jacob & Black*Star: …

Nik: Wow, Kindrix is so smart!

Kindrix: And another thing. I said before that living beings with different numbers of chromosomal pairs can reproduce, right?

Jacob: Yeah, you mentioned that.

Kindrix: Well, EDWARD ISN'T LIVING.

Nik: You may need to explain this one too, Kindrix-san.

Kindrix: What is this, Health Class? Gah, whatever. Since Edward is a Meyerpire, when he was turned, his body froze. His ENTIRE BODY froze. Meaning everything, including his disco-stick. And since he's 108 years old, there's no freaking way possible his sperm could've survived. It's stated many times in the book that he's ice-cold. Well, sperm needs to be kept warm to stay alive. So, no sperm, no baby. And, I think it's stated somewhere that the bodily fluids are replaced with venom, so even if he did put something into Bella, it would've been venom, and that wouldn't have gotten her pregnant, it would've turned her into a vampire or killed her.

Black*Star: Where do you learn all of this stuff?

Kindrix: I got bored the other day and started reading Twilight again. I had nothing better to do than to waste my time tearing apart the story until it was so overanalyzed I couldn't even look at the front cover anymore. And yes, I'm fully aware that I have no life whatsoever if I can sit down and dissect Twilight.

Jacob: Just as long as you know.

Kindrix: Hey, your fangirls are no better than I am, sitting there and writing horny lemon fanfiction about you guys.

Nik: But Kindrix-san reads yaoi lemon!

Kindrix: But I know the difference between fiction and reality. I'm talking to you, Cullenists!

Black*Star: I can't believe they made a religion out of a book series. Come on, you can only go so far without it becoming idiotic.

Kindrix: For those of you who don't know, there is now a religion based off Twilight. It's called Cullenism and it believes that all of the Cullens, Bella and Jacob should be worshipped. I'll send a link to the article in the description.

Jacob: Take that, Bluebird! I have a religion based off of me!

Black*Star: So what? I will surpass God, I don't need a religion!

Jacob:…Hey, dude, how about we not fight?

Black*Star: Huh? Why not?

Jacob: Well, I know you're gonna kick my ass. Plus, you're pretty awesome.

Black*Star:…Alright! Dude, let's go get a burger or something.

Black*Star & Jacob: *walk off the stage together*

Nik: What in the world just happened?

Kindrix: I have absolutely no idea…But at least Jacob knows who is superior now.