Rosalie VS Integra

Rosalie VS Integra

*Note: *points to title* Because they're both bitches. Enough said. This series is still called VS because I haven't decided on the name and I'm seriously bored. Keep suggesting names people, I have no idea what to call this stupid series. And I need more ideas for the stories themselves. I know the next one will be Schrödinger VS Jacob Black, which was requested by K-san. Again, no co-host, just me and Nik. Enjoy!*

Kindrix: Jesus, these things are still popular? My God, I'm honored!

Nik: Yeah, thanks lots!

Kindrix: So, as mentioned in the note, this is still called VS. Keep suggesting things, people! I like hearing ideas!

Nik: Plus she's kinda brain-dead…

Kindrix: What was that?

Nik: Nothing, never-mind!

Kindrix: Anyway…I'm doing another Hellsing VS Twilight story, this time starring two females. Our first guest is Integra Wingates Hellsing!

Integra: *walks onto stage with a cigar hanging out of her mouth* Good evening, Miss Kindrix.

Kindrix: Thank you for coming, Sir Hellsing! And thanks for letting us borrow Alucard last week.

Integra: Not a problem, his mission was to kill that sparkly bastard anyway. This made it seem more civilized.

Kindrix: How would it have been if he hand just walked up and killed the guy?

Integra: Ever seen Sweeny Todd?

Kindrix: Oh my God.

Nik: That was an awesome movie.

Kindrix: I know right? Anyway, our other guest is Rosalie Hale.

Rosalie: *walks out with a scowl on her face*

Kindrix: Why do you look pissed?

Rosalie: Because I am.

Nik: I think she meant "Why are you pissed?"

Rosalie: I know that!

Kindrix: No need to get snappy. I actually like you in Twilight. You're the only one who has enough sense to hate Bella in the beginning, and in the end you only like her for her baby. I'm kinda sorry that Meyer didn't elaborate too much on you.

Rosalie: *kind of shocked* Oh…thanks, I think.

Kindrix: Twilight still sucks.

Rosalie: Hey!

Kindrix: So, Sir Integra, why don't you tell us why Hellsing is better than Twilight?

Integra: Well, for starters, as Alucard stated in your previous story, the vampires aren't, in his words, pussies. They actually kill, they have fangs and don't sparkle in the sun.  And Hellsing has a good plot and isn't a romance story for the teenage girls who feel the need to satisfy themselves by using a stupid character for their disgusting sexual desire! And furthermore, the woman who created Twilight based it off of a dream she had about so-called vampires coming to screw her! Does any sane person actually want to read something based off of that?! Seriously, people, I mean, come on!

Kindrix: Whoa…

Nik: She makes a good point…

Kindrix: Uh, Rosalie? You want to try and counter that?

Rosalie: Well, Hellsing doesn't attract as big an audience as Twilight does. Girls are practically dying for romance novels to fill the void of their less-than-romantic lives. Plus, wouldn't you just kill for a sparkly vampire?

Kindrix & Integra: I would kill the sparkly vampire.

Nik: *giggle*

Rosalie: Shut it!

Nik: B-But they sparkle! Come on, that's pretty funny…

Rosalie: Being a vampire isn't funny! As your family passes on, you remain the same, never changing, never growing, stuck in the same stage of life for eternity until you go mad.

Kindrix: That's why I like Rosalie. She has her life in perspective.

Nik: *sniffle* I'm sorry if I offended you, Rosalie-san…

Rosalie: I'll ignore the offense. For now.

Kindrix: Okay, random question. Who would win in an arm-wrestling contest, Alucard or Emmett?

Integra: Alucard.

Rosalie: Emmett.

Integra: You wish you're weakling boyfriend could beat my vampire.

Rosalie: You wish you're gothic psychopath could destroy my boyfriend!

Integra: Alucard will kick his ass all the way to Germany.

Rosalie: Over my pile of ashes!

Integra: That can be arranged.

Emmett: *from backstage* Cat fight! Cat fight!

Kindrix: Emmett, shut up!

Emmett: Nyeh! *sticks his tongue out*

Integra: *pulls out her gun* Do you want to fight me, you weakling?

Rosalie: I'll tear you apart, you stupid human!

Kindrix: This is getting good!

Nik: So you're back to promoting violence, Kindrix-san?

Kindrix: Yep! Think of all the dudes this senseless violence will attract!

Nik: You're impossible!

Kindrix: I love you too~!

Integra: *fires her gun*

Rosalie: *runs away in fear*

Kindrix: Well, that turned out nicely.

Nik: There's a hole in the window.

Kindrix: It'll serve as a reminder of the awesomeness that occurred here!

Nik: Why did I get stuck with you as a creator?